Tuesday, November 07, 2006

What To Do When Your Husband is Out of Town.

Different than Things to do in Key West When You're Dead, but not very much so.

During commercial breaks from House, watch for the first time (I swear, I never have. In fact, I can admit that when my husband is watching sports I indulge in things like The Girls Next Door ((have I mentioned that my girlfriend is a web girl for Playboy? I have NOT! and HAPPY MARRIED DAY YOU)) and also I watch Bravo TV but who doesn't?)
Seriously. Dancing with the stars almost made me feel like I needed to go to confession.
Back to House. I miss my husbands sensibility.

oh suprise.

omg i can't believe it. can any marriage last?

Just Wrong

Dear Hardy's of Austrailia Wine-in-a-Box Manufacturers,
I know that simply by virtue of purchasing wine in a box that I am putting myself into a segmented consumer class, and your product was on sale making my taste even more questionable, but I am fairly certain that wine which is not being marketed as actual vinegar should have the color "Specimen from a Kidney Failure Patient.

Were this a glass of expensive tawny port? Perhaps. Try again, but I won't.

Love,

Jocelyn

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Maybe I am a redneck, or married to one.

So I am going to use the internet to let everyone know that my husabnd is a big bubble bath taking soaking reading man.
Shut up!
What!
I love a Sunday New York Times reading Bubble Bath Taking Man!
Man!
I actually started writing this entry with a story, and now, after writing that I love a bubble bath taking NYT reading man, I can't remember what funny thing I was going to type.
OH! That is where all my Philosophy 3 in 1 grapefruit is going.
He just reminded me that my parents read this.
Hee.

Redneck Envy

I am nearly as polar opposite a redneck as one may find. Well, not so wasp-y that I have 5 names or anything but still. I do, however, have some envy for the colorful venacular. This afternoon I watched Ron White and Jeff Foxworthy. Things I wish I could get away with saying:

(commentary on the culinary skills of his new wife, Ron White give his dinner to his dog.) So Sluggo starts licking his butt. My wife comes in and says "what is he doing?" so I told her "I think he's trying to get the taste out of his mouth."

(commentary on the difference between men smelling things and women smelling things.) So he leaned over it and took a whiff and said "whoooeee! That would knock a vulture off a gut wagon!"

Which, if you read my previous post, was my freezer yesterday.

4th on the 5th and the 5th.

I'm not so great with this commitment thing. Plus I went to bed at 9:30 after marathon kitchen cleaning session. But the oven, she is spotless including the inside of the hood and the fan cover. Ammonia and Magic Eraser, if you were wondering.

Woke up at 6am this morning, having not yet adjusted to the time change (it's been 5am thrice this week). But it is 1:53pm, and I have (drum roll please) FINISHED THE MFING NEW YORK TIMES CROSSWORD. In record time, for me. Fortunately I am married to the encyclopedia of all things sports.

And in case you're wondering 92 down is "Agamic: reproducing without fertilization". This will make you able to solve the puzzle. You're welcome.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Makes a Momma Proud

My baby son (who is 6'2"+ and wears a size 13 mens shoe) is rowing in the Chicago Chase tomorrow. It's predicted to be 42 degrees. If you're in Chicago, go cheer him on! Go August! I wish I could. Posted by Picasa

Thursday, November 02, 2006

November 1st, on the second. Of course.


Since I spoke earlier of power outages and all manner of connectivity problems, I am doubling up for NoBloPoMo.

So Halloween! Jake and I did nothing. Nothing for Fantasy Fest (which for those of you unfamiliar with the celebration is like a nakeder, drunker version of Mardi Gras), nothing for Halloween. It was great - no pressure to come up with costumes, no last minute panic for babysitters.

I did, however, take the time this year to sew the bird girl a costume. Alice in Wonderland. Seeing some of the costume choices other mothers allowed thier children, (Seriously, some of them would have made Paris Hilton blush.) I was THRILLED when the bird chose this pattern. Except I didn't have a sewing machine. So I bought this:



It is a sewing machine smaller than a beer! I don't even drink beer! And if I did drink beer, it would not be this beer!
I'm not going to win Project Runway on it or anything, but it was fine. See that rack of clothing in the background? It is the ironing I am supposed to be doing instead of writing things on the internet.





Key West Fun Fact! This is what they do to each other (and cars, and household pets) after they are done trick or treating. This is why we let her go with her friends this year. I didn't grow up with shaving cream as a part of halloween, but it's big down here, like black beans and rice.

Happy Halloween! Late!